Alis
"sweet adventurous caring sociable sensitive romantic passionate independent confident"
My lovely men 💚 Welcome to see my event on 31.03. Jade from Mortal Combat is desperate to see you 💚 | Create your free account
Alis
Online since: Dec 06, 2016.
Last time online: Mar 27, 7:00 PM
5 credits
My Schedule
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Get to know Alis
Alis's tags
sex toy small tits tattoos foot fetish piercings tip toy vibrating toy bubble butt bad girl
I love all of them Editor's note
EXCLUSIVE '10 TIMES ALIS' INTERVIEW IS ONLINE! READ HERE!
You’re about to be introduced to a princess named Alis. A modern day example of perfection is who she is. To the average person that might sound like an exaggeration. It might even sound a bit extreme. None of these words will seem extreme in the slightest when you’re staring at her gorgeous body. This is what every guy with a pulse wants. A girl so sexy, they feel butterflies when looking at her. She’s going to make you feel a whole lot more than just butterflies. You’ll also feel something growing in your pants.
Take a nice look long at the beauty on your screen. There’s no need to rush this in the slightest. Not when she has a body that your eyes will love to absorb. Enjoy those fantastic tits of hers. Those legs are yours to enjoy as well. There’s nothing on her body that isn’t for you to enjoy. Everything is meant for your eyes. You can ensure that only you see her by taking this cutie into private. That’s where greedy guys go to make sure they don’t have to share her with anyone.
When is the last time a down to earth hottie such as herself made you drain your balls? How long did you have to think about that answer? If it was less than a second, it’s been too long. Head on over to where all this action takes place. Make sure you bookmark her cam as well. Your balls are going to be aching a lot now that you’ve been introduced to her. They’ll beg you to come and get a little piece of the action. You won’t need to spend all day long with her. She’ll take care of you in record time. You’ll be left wondering how you ever managed to bust a nut without her.
A girl with tattoos such as her is wild. You know that. There’s no doubting that at all. You just can’t see how wild. All of that will change when you spend some quality time with her. Pull up a comfortable chair and get to know this cutie. Tell her exactly what you want to do. Don’t hold back in the slightest. Make sure that she fully understands how dirty you want this to be.
PIMP YOUR DESKTOP with Alis's sexy wallpaper.
Alis's Guestbook
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Just let me be your first Emoji in your Guestbook... 💗 😍 💗
Only true Queen can say something like this!
Thanks for lovely chat today!
See you again!
Thanks for lovely chat today!
See you again!
LoyalBee, I love your comments, they truly make me smile ♥
I am also very glad that my dear members are more capable of than my fragile spiderman hehe ♥
And about Queen of the site, those are absolutely magnificent words you said ♥
And I am very happy to be Queen for my members ♥
But there is one very good saying - Beauty is in the eye of the beholder ♥
And I am so happy that this site have so many beautiful Queens and not just one ♥
Blondes, Brunettes, Redheads, Curvy, Skinny, Big titties, Small titties, No titties, Shy, Adventurous etc. ♥
It is truly beautiful and makes me happy how different humanity can be ♥
Most important is - To Be Nice To Each Other ♥♥♥
I am also very glad that my dear members are more capable of than my fragile spiderman hehe ♥
And about Queen of the site, those are absolutely magnificent words you said ♥
And I am very happy to be Queen for my members ♥
But there is one very good saying - Beauty is in the eye of the beholder ♥
And I am so happy that this site have so many beautiful Queens and not just one ♥
Blondes, Brunettes, Redheads, Curvy, Skinny, Big titties, Small titties, No titties, Shy, Adventurous etc. ♥
It is truly beautiful and makes me happy how different humanity can be ♥
Most important is - To Be Nice To Each Other ♥♥♥
@Spider-Man
I read on your Official Page that you are ashamed of your performance in that event, but after those two long and sensual licks and that wild ride... I saw you with a big smile on your face, almost from ear to ear
@Alis
For your next events, please, take into consideration that one Loyal-Bee are much more resistant than one Spider-Man!!
@Petra
Alis is my Queen Bee and she is also Queen of many other members...
When is the Official Ceremony to name her the Queen of this site??
I read on your Official Page that you are ashamed of your performance in that event, but after those two long and sensual licks and that wild ride... I saw you with a big smile on your face, almost from ear to ear
@Alis
For your next events, please, take into consideration that one Loyal-Bee are much more resistant than one Spider-Man!!
@Petra
Alis is my Queen Bee and she is also Queen of many other members...
When is the Official Ceremony to name her the Queen of this site??
Thank you so much, Petra, for congratulations! ♥
Sadly inflatable spider man only lasted few minutes, he could not handle when I sat on him hehehe ♥♥
Sadly inflatable spider man only lasted few minutes, he could not handle when I sat on him hehehe ♥♥
Petra replied:
2023-03-21 07:54:25
The prize for best event last week goes to our resourceful Alis, for her ‘Spider Gwen’ show, congratulations 🎉
oh, my ♥
LoyalBee and Christiann thank you so much ♥♥
I got big smile on my face ♥♥♥
LoyalBee and Christiann thank you so much ♥♥
I got big smile on my face ♥♥♥
Yes, she is the most beautiful woman on this site ❤_❤
Beautiful woman! Met her today and had the best conversation!!
oh, woooow :*
Thank you so much guys :*
Very kind, I wish you all the best :*
Thank you so much guys :*
Very kind, I wish you all the best :*
🕷🕸♥♥♥♥♥
The best event of yesterday: Gwen! By Alis
I totally agree, she is awesome!!
She is so beautiful!
Never, in all my life, could I imagine how the Heaven would be like. But during her "Devoted to you" event... I saw it!
Maybe, the Heaven is wake up a morning ...
... in that bed ...
... with her by your side.
Never, in all my life, could I imagine how the Heaven would be like. But during her "Devoted to you" event... I saw it!
Maybe, the Heaven is wake up a morning ...
... in that bed ...
... with her by your side.
Hehe thank you mysterious man ;)
You will give people reason to talk about you :D
Kisses :* :*
You will give people reason to talk about you :D
Kisses :* :*
Last hours to vote for our Alis in the ‘Best Event of the Month’ Contest! ---> https://www.secretfriends.com/article/view?slug=beft5ff
She's Sweet but at her ‘Sweet Treat’ event... WOW...
She was Extra Sweet and Delicious, in her case, Extra Alisweet and Alicious!! ❤_❤
She's Sweet but at her ‘Sweet Treat’ event... WOW...
She was Extra Sweet and Delicious, in her case, Extra Alisweet and Alicious!! ❤_❤
The best event of yesterday: Three wishes, by Alis!
I am very pleased for great news ♥♥♥
Thank you so much guys for those stickers, I need to thank many of you, really ♥♥
I am also very happy you liked my event and enjoyed time with me on event ♥
And I hope you feel loved every day, not just on Valentines day ♥♥♥
Kisses!
Sincerely, your Alis ♥♥♥
Thank you so much guys for those stickers, I need to thank many of you, really ♥♥
I am also very happy you liked my event and enjoyed time with me on event ♥
And I hope you feel loved every day, not just on Valentines day ♥♥♥
Kisses!
Sincerely, your Alis ♥♥♥
Congratulations Alis on winning the 1st place in the sticker contest and on winning the Best Valentine Event title!
LoyalBee ♥♥♥
Who are you, lovely man?
I been trying to figure it out!
I just cannot, your nickname is not familiar to me :)
And thank you, your words are something ♥♥♥
Who are you, lovely man?
I been trying to figure it out!
I just cannot, your nickname is not familiar to me :)
And thank you, your words are something ♥♥♥
During this event It also happened!
I fall in love with the woman of the "Sweet Treat"
I fall in love with the woman of the "Sweet Treat"
Let’s applaud the winner of the best weekly event title, the colorful girl in a joyful outfit, irresistible Alis :)
The best event of yesterday: Sweet treat Alis!
my dear, Bedazzled!! ♥♥♥
Your comment made my tummy tickle :* :*
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much :*
I will try my best to keep up with enjoyable events :*
Your comment made my tummy tickle :* :*
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much :*
I will try my best to keep up with enjoyable events :*
Alis were absolutely mesmerizing in her event yesterday, she is truly "One of a Kind" completely unique...
Always surprising with her events and her ideas for them! Love her and her brilliant imagination! ♥♥♥♥♥
♥_♥
Always surprising with her events and her ideas for them! Love her and her brilliant imagination! ♥♥♥♥♥
♥_♥
The best event of yesterday: One of a kind! By Alis
The best event of yesterday: Magical Alis!
The best event of yesterday: Nerdy Welma, by Alis!
Yaaay, Bedzzzie :***
eoeoeoeoeoeoe :* :* :*
Thank you :*
eoeoeoeoeoeoe :* :* :*
Thank you :*
BunnyAli strikes again! ;) ❤
Congratulations! ❤_❤
Congratulations! ❤_❤
Congratulations, Alis! You are our weekly winner :)
Thank you so much my dear, Bedzzie :* :* :*
hehehehe ;) ;) ;)
hehehehe ;) ;) ;)
Congratulations BunnyAli!! ♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥
❤_❤
❤_❤
The best event of yesterday: Year of the rabbit! By Alis :)
Dear, Lingerielover, thank you so much, I wish you all the best things in 2023.
My your plans become even better than you planned :* :*
Also it seems like your nickname is the one who is stuck in my room hehehe
I don't mind, I like it ;)
My your plans become even better than you planned :* :*
Also it seems like your nickname is the one who is stuck in my room hehehe
I don't mind, I like it ;)
Congratulations, Alis, on winning the 1st place in the Christmas sticker contest :)
Happy New Year 2023, Alis! ♥ ♥ ♥
Panicwarlord, thank you so much :))
I hope you had calm and lovely Christmas!
I wish you all the best for New Year!
I hope you had calm and lovely Christmas!
I wish you all the best for New Year!
Merry Christmas and happy new year Alis!
Thank you so much, Petra ^_^ Those are lovely news :))
Once upon a time, there was Alis, and she won the best event of last week title! :) Congratulations, Alis!
The best event of yesterday: Snowwhite! By Alis :)
My darling, Lingerielover, life without you in my room and these comments would be so boring :* :*
Kisses to you :*
Kisses to you :*
Wonderful Christmas themed photos, Ali! Love them & you! ♥
♥
The best event of yesterday: Sensual bath with Alis
The best event of yesterday: Golden Delicious Alis!
Thank you ^_^
That pie makes me hungry ;))
That pie makes me hungry ;))
The 1st place winner in our Sweet As Pumpkin Pie Contest is Alis :) Congratulations!
The best event of yesterday: Movie character, by Alis!
The best event of yesterday: Hatsune Miku, by Alis!
The best event of yesterday: Sakura Miku, by Alis!
Best event of last week is Jigsaw, by game-playing Alis! Congratulations :)
The best event of yesterday: Senbonzakura, by Alis!
Awww thanks guys :* :*
She is awesome
Hurray Ali! Congratulations! ♥
♥
Thank you to everyone who sent Halloween stickers to me ♥
And thanks so much to those guys who wrote lovely words on my wall in the past time ♥
I wish you all well and have a fabulous days ♥
And thanks so much to those guys who wrote lovely words on my wall in the past time ♥
I wish you all well and have a fabulous days ♥
Congratulations, Alis, on winning the 1st place in our Carving Memories contest! :)
The best event of yesterday: I want to play a game! By Alis
Congratulations Alis ! You are a wonderful person and truly such a beautiful woman, with heart and soul, that has such unique and amazing talents that are truly loved by all! :)*
The best event of yesterday: Pennywise, by Alis!
Wonderful!
The best event of yesterday: We are Venom! By Alis
Help us congratulate our weekly event winner, awesome Alis! :)
♥
Perfect!
Majestic Alis! ❤️❤️❤️
The best event of yesterday: Jester Alis!
❤ ❤ ❤
♥_♥
♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥
♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥
The best event of yesterday: Tainted love! By Alis
I ♥ U
^_^ ♥ ^_^ ♥
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
The best event of yesterday: Arrr! Where is my parrot? By Alis :)
Thank you, Petra, for great news!
Special thanks to those guys who voted!
I am very happy ;) xx
Special thanks to those guys who voted!
I am very happy ;) xx
The 'best event of the month' title goes to our resourceful Alis, for her ‘Chung Li’ event. Congratulations :)
The best event of yesterday: Final fantasy, by Alis!
The best event of yesterday: A touch of Brazil, by Alis!
The best event of yesterday: Storm won’t stop us! By Alis
The best event of yesterday: Harajuku style, by Alis!
Thank you so much my dear, Gman, for your adorable congrats XxX
Thank you to all guys who got me there XxX
Kisses X
Thank you to all guys who got me there XxX
Kisses X
Congratulations on Having Best Event Of The Week!!! Kiss You! Take care!)))
Congratulations, Alis! You are our weekly winner :)
The best event of yesterday: Pikachu! By Alis
THe best event of yesterday: Alis as Chun Li!
The best event of yesterday: Swan Lake, by Alis!
Thank you Gman XxX
Congratulations on Past Events that were Best Events!!! Great Job!! Kiss you and I miss you! Take care!)))
The best event of yesterday: Run code! By Alis
The best event of yesterday: From another planet! By Alis
Indeed SG ;) :*
Thanks for funny jokes, Den. good sense of humor.
Thank you so much Gman :* :*
That's so kind of you :*
Kiss :*
That's so kind of you :*
Kiss :*
Congratulations Alis on having Best Event recently-Native American! Kiss you!))
The best event of yesterday: Native American, by Alis!
I agree Gman ;)xx
Nice funny jokes Den! Lol!
A man wanted to get married, but he was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and wanted to see what they will do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, and new makeup; buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive to him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. She tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, and new makeup; buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive to him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. She tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.
A man in a pub asks for a beer.
The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar."
"One dollar?" exclaims the man.
Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?"
"Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars."
"Two dollars?" cries the man, "you're joking! Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."
The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar."
"One dollar?" exclaims the man.
Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?"
"Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars."
"Two dollars?" cries the man, "you're joking! Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."
Thank you so much for this, guys ♥
Wouldn't be best event without you all ♥
Thanks so much for lovely comment dear Gman ♥
Thank you Den, your jokes always very funny ♥
Wouldn't be best event without you all ♥
Thanks so much for lovely comment dear Gman ♥
Thank you Den, your jokes always very funny ♥
Congratulations on Best Event of May! my beautiful friend! Kiss you ))
Congratulations, Alis, on winning the best event of May title! :)
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass!
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?" The scrawny little man replied, "I work for the IRS."
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass!
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?" The scrawny little man replied, "I work for the IRS."
In love with you:))*
Doris Mason, a lady living in Ashville, North Carolina, answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
'Good morning, Ma'am,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in vacuum cleaners.'
'Go away!' said Doris brusquely. 'I'm broke and haven't got any money for new-fangled contraptions,' and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 'Don't be too hasty,' he commanded. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her dining room carpet.
'Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.'
Doris stepped back and said with a smile, 'Well let me get you a spoon, young man because Southern Electric cut off my power this morning.
'Good morning, Ma'am,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in vacuum cleaners.'
'Go away!' said Doris brusquely. 'I'm broke and haven't got any money for new-fangled contraptions,' and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 'Don't be too hasty,' he commanded. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her dining room carpet.
'Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.'
Doris stepped back and said with a smile, 'Well let me get you a spoon, young man because Southern Electric cut off my power this morning.
♥
Thank you so much, Petra, for these news :))* ♥
Endless thanks to all lovely guys, who thinks about me this way ♥♥♥
I will continue to give some sugar on my Events ;))*
Also I would love to know some opinion of yours ;))
I would like to ask you a question out of the blue :**
Do you prefer have a dog or a cat as a pet? ;)))
Please, be that kind and send me private message with your answer :**
I would love to know ;))
Much love, Ali ♥♥♥
Endless thanks to all lovely guys, who thinks about me this way ♥♥♥
I will continue to give some sugar on my Events ;))*
Also I would love to know some opinion of yours ;))
I would like to ask you a question out of the blue :**
Do you prefer have a dog or a cat as a pet? ;)))
Please, be that kind and send me private message with your answer :**
I would love to know ;))
Much love, Ali ♥♥♥
Our fantastic Alis has won this title, woohoo!! Big congratulations to the cosplay queen :)
I like your heart shaped glasses ♥ ;))
♥_♥
The best event of yesterday: Taste of India! By Alis
♥♥♥
There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of a sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming toward his boat.
As he looks back he sees the shark turn and heads towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He’s scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, “Oh God! Save me!”
In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, “You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?”
Aghast with confusion and knowing he can’t lie the man replies, “Well, that’s true I don’t believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?”
The Lord replies, “As you wish,” and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.
As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head, and says, “Thank you Lord for this food which I am about to receive…”
As he looks back he sees the shark turn and heads towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He’s scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, “Oh God! Save me!”
In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, “You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?”
Aghast with confusion and knowing he can’t lie the man replies, “Well, that’s true I don’t believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?”
The Lord replies, “As you wish,” and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.
As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head, and says, “Thank you Lord for this food which I am about to receive…”
Thanks so much :**
This is more than I expected to be honest :**
Kisses to one and all :***
This is more than I expected to be honest :**
Kisses to one and all :***
Congratulations on winning the 2nd place in our sticker contest, Alis! :)
A man and a pretty woman who had never met before found themselves sharing a sleeping compartment on a train.
The man on the top bunk and the lady on the bottom bunk.
During the night, man woke and asked "Sorry to bother you, but would you reach into the closet to get me the 2nd blanket, I'm freezing!"
"I have a better idea" she replied, "Why don't we pretend we are married?"
"Wow what a great idea!" he said.
"Good," she said, "Get your own blanket yourself, you lazy bastard!"
The man on the top bunk and the lady on the bottom bunk.
During the night, man woke and asked "Sorry to bother you, but would you reach into the closet to get me the 2nd blanket, I'm freezing!"
"I have a better idea" she replied, "Why don't we pretend we are married?"
"Wow what a great idea!" he said.
"Good," she said, "Get your own blanket yourself, you lazy bastard!"
ahhh ;))**
I tried to count, Bedzzie.. I really tried ;))
But then I gave up :)
I trust in you there is 80 ;)***
Thank you so much ♥♥♥
I tried to count, Bedzzie.. I really tried ;))
But then I gave up :)
I trust in you there is 80 ;)***
Thank you so much ♥♥♥
Absolutely! ♥_♥ Here's 80 hearts to salute the 80's. :)
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
The best event of yesterday: Back to the 80’s with Alis!
Love to see such a news on my wall :**
Thank you so much Petra :**
Thank you to all guys, who found a time to be on my event ;))
I enjoyed it too :)**
Thank you so much Petra :**
Thank you to all guys, who found a time to be on my event ;))
I enjoyed it too :)**
Applause for the 'Best event of the week' winner! Congratulations, Alis :)
The best event of yesterday: Taste of Hawaii! By Alis
Pacing back and forth, a man was getting really anxious about his imminent operation.
His wife asked him: "What's the matter? Why are you getting so worked up?"
He replied: "I heard one of the nurses say 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure you'll be all right.'"
"She was just trying to comfort you," said his wife. "What's so frightening about that?"
"She was talking to the surgeon!"
His wife asked him: "What's the matter? Why are you getting so worked up?"
He replied: "I heard one of the nurses say 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure you'll be all right.'"
"She was just trying to comfort you," said his wife. "What's so frightening about that?"
"She was talking to the surgeon!"
♥
The best event of yesterday: Sign of spring, by Alis!
Den :D ♥
There was this little boy who went to a Catholic school in Michigan. One day at school he went to a nun and said, "I would like to have a brand red bicycle."
The nun said, "Before you go to bed tonight when you get on your knees, ask God if you can have a brand new red bicycle."
So that night the little boy got on his knees and said, "God, if you will give me a brand new bicycle I will be good for 6 months. Amen."
He got into bed and thought to himself, "Man, there is no way I can be good for 6 months!"
So he got back on his knees and said, "God, I will be good for 6 weeks if you will get me a new red bicycle."
Then he got back in bed and thought to himself, "There is no way I can be good for 6 whole weeks!"
So he got back on his knees and said, "Okay God, I will be good for 6 days if you will just get me a brand new red bicycle!"
Well, he got back in bed and laid there for several minutes, thinking. Then he looked out the window and saw the statue of the Virgin Mary in his backyard. He got up took his sheets off the bed, walked outside to the statue, put his sheets around it, walked back inside, and then put the statue under his bed.
He said, "Okay, God, if you ever want to see your mother again, you will get me a brand new red bicycle."
The nun said, "Before you go to bed tonight when you get on your knees, ask God if you can have a brand new red bicycle."
So that night the little boy got on his knees and said, "God, if you will give me a brand new bicycle I will be good for 6 months. Amen."
He got into bed and thought to himself, "Man, there is no way I can be good for 6 months!"
So he got back on his knees and said, "God, I will be good for 6 weeks if you will get me a new red bicycle."
Then he got back in bed and thought to himself, "There is no way I can be good for 6 whole weeks!"
So he got back on his knees and said, "Okay God, I will be good for 6 days if you will just get me a brand new red bicycle!"
Well, he got back in bed and laid there for several minutes, thinking. Then he looked out the window and saw the statue of the Virgin Mary in his backyard. He got up took his sheets off the bed, walked outside to the statue, put his sheets around it, walked back inside, and then put the statue under his bed.
He said, "Okay, God, if you ever want to see your mother again, you will get me a brand new red bicycle."
Thank you so much ♥
I very much appreciate this ♥
♥
I very much appreciate this ♥
♥
Congratulations, Alis, for winning the 1st place in The Incredibles sticker contest!
bassie74 ♥ and Bedazzled ♥
Thank you so much to you both ♥
kiss, kiss ♥
Thank you so much to you both ♥
kiss, kiss ♥
Ohh for fck sake, admins please make emojis work in comments, lmao!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ :*
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ :*
?????????
the true queen of this site,
you are verry special
you are verry special
The best event of yesterday: Touch of Spain! By Alis :)
The best event of yesterday: Funny Easter, by Alis!
Take care, Alis!
:D :D :D
A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room at a doctor’s office and approached the desk.
The young receptionist asked, ‘Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?’
‘There’s something wrong with my penis’, he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, ‘You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.’
‘Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,’ replied the man.
‘You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something,’ came back the annoyed receptionist.
Wanting to teach the old man a lesson, she suggested, ‘Why don’t you leave the room, come back again and do this the right way.’ The man turned around, walked out, and came back again after a moment.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, ‘Yes??’
‘There’s something wrong with my ear,’ he stated loudly.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had learned the lesson.
‘What is wrong with your ear, Sir?’ she asked.
‘I can’t pee out of it,’ he replied.
The young receptionist asked, ‘Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?’
‘There’s something wrong with my penis’, he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, ‘You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.’
‘Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,’ replied the man.
‘You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something,’ came back the annoyed receptionist.
Wanting to teach the old man a lesson, she suggested, ‘Why don’t you leave the room, come back again and do this the right way.’ The man turned around, walked out, and came back again after a moment.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, ‘Yes??’
‘There’s something wrong with my ear,’ he stated loudly.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had learned the lesson.
‘What is wrong with your ear, Sir?’ she asked.
‘I can’t pee out of it,’ he replied.
The best event of Friday: My happy birthday! By Alis :)
Congratulations!!
Congratulations!!
Thank you guys all, who found a time to come and see me, and wish me happy birthday
I appreciate it
You made me smile
Self respect goes first
Thank you for bringing that ray of sunshine in my room
I appreciate it
You made me smile
Self respect goes first
Thank you for bringing that ray of sunshine in my room
A man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.
When the exam was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”
“Well, in plain English,” the doctor said, “you’re just lazy.”
“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.
When the exam was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”
“Well, in plain English,” the doctor said, “you’re just lazy.”
“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.
Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the job to the other applicant.”
“And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct,” asked the rejected applicant.
“We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed,” said the department manager.
“And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?” the rejected applicant inquired.
“Simple,” said the department manager, “Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, ‘I don’t know.’ You put down, ‘Neither do I.’”
Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the job to the other applicant.”
“And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct,” asked the rejected applicant.
“We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed,” said the department manager.
“And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?” the rejected applicant inquired.
“Simple,” said the department manager, “Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, ‘I don’t know.’ You put down, ‘Neither do I.’”
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls. I promised my husband that I would be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed, I knew 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him “MIDNIGHT” He didn’t seem suspicious in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said, “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said ‘oh crap!’ cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.”
Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed, I knew 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him “MIDNIGHT” He didn’t seem suspicious in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said, “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said ‘oh crap!’ cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.”
The best event of yesterday: Ancient Egypt, with Alis!
A couple of drinking buddies who are airplane mechanics are in a hangar at JFK New York. It’s fogged in and they have nothing to do. One of them says to the other, “Man, have you got anything to drink?”
The other one says, “Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel, and it will kinda give you a buzz.” So they do drink it, get smashed and have a great time, like only drinking buddies can.
The following morning, one of the men wakes up and he just knows his head will explode if he gets up, but it doesn’t. He gets up and feels good. In fact, he feels great! No hangover!
The phone rings. It’s his buddy. The buddy says, “Hey, how do you feel?”
“Great”, he said! “Just great!” The buddy says, “Yeah, I feel great too, and no hangover. That jet fuel stuff is great. We should do this more often!
“Yeah, we could, but there’s just one thing . . . “
“What’s that?”
“Did you fart yet?”
“No . . . ”
“Well, DON’T, ’cause I’m in Phoenix.”
The other one says, “Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel, and it will kinda give you a buzz.” So they do drink it, get smashed and have a great time, like only drinking buddies can.
The following morning, one of the men wakes up and he just knows his head will explode if he gets up, but it doesn’t. He gets up and feels good. In fact, he feels great! No hangover!
The phone rings. It’s his buddy. The buddy says, “Hey, how do you feel?”
“Great”, he said! “Just great!” The buddy says, “Yeah, I feel great too, and no hangover. That jet fuel stuff is great. We should do this more often!
“Yeah, we could, but there’s just one thing . . . “
“What’s that?”
“Did you fart yet?”
“No . . . ”
“Well, DON’T, ’cause I’m in Phoenix.”
There are two blondes and a brunette on an island. One of the blondes finds a bottle and a genie pops out. The genie says he will grant them one wish each (you get the picture)
The first blonde says, “I need to get off this island, I wish for a rowboat.” With a flash, a rowboat appears and she rushes out into the ocean.
The second blonde says, “I need to get off this island, I need a jetski.” With a flash, a jetski appears and she rushes out into the ocean, soon overtaking the first blonde.
The genie looks enquiringly toward the brunette, who with raised eyebrows, smiles and says,” Just give me a million dollars, I’ll take the bridge.”
The first blonde says, “I need to get off this island, I wish for a rowboat.” With a flash, a rowboat appears and she rushes out into the ocean.
The second blonde says, “I need to get off this island, I need a jetski.” With a flash, a jetski appears and she rushes out into the ocean, soon overtaking the first blonde.
The genie looks enquiringly toward the brunette, who with raised eyebrows, smiles and says,” Just give me a million dollars, I’ll take the bridge.”
Today, let's applaud Alis, the winner of best event last week! :)
The best event of Friday: Avatar! By Alis :)
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”
The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”
“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”
“I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”
“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”
“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out!!!”
The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”
“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”
“I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”
“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”
“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out!!!”
Two hunters were dragging their recently slain deer through the snow back to their truck. Each one had a grip on a rear leg.
As they passed by an old Indian, he commented that the deer would pull a lot easier if they pulled it by the front legs because of the direction that the deer’s hair lays.
So the hunters each began pulling by the front legs.
About 20 minutes later, one of them says, “Boy! This is a lot easier.”
The other one replies, “Yes, but we sure are getting a lot farther from the truck!”
As they passed by an old Indian, he commented that the deer would pull a lot easier if they pulled it by the front legs because of the direction that the deer’s hair lays.
So the hunters each began pulling by the front legs.
About 20 minutes later, one of them says, “Boy! This is a lot easier.”
The other one replies, “Yes, but we sure are getting a lot farther from the truck!”
A young boy enters a barbershop and the barber whispers to his customer: “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
A preacher notorious for his lengthy sermons, watched as a man got up and left halfway through his message. The same man returned just before the finish.
Afterward, the preacher asked him where he had gone.
“I went to get a haircut,” said the man.
“Why didn’t you go before the service?” asked the preacher.
“I didn’t need one then!”
Afterward, the preacher asked him where he had gone.
“I went to get a haircut,” said the man.
“Why didn’t you go before the service?” asked the preacher.
“I didn’t need one then!”
The best event of yesterday: Touch of satin, by Alis!
Omg Den :D
You are winner with this joke :)
And you yourself know why :* :* :*
You are winner with this joke :)
And you yourself know why :* :* :*
A local bar regular had been drinking all night. This particular night the regular drank a little more than usual.
The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the regular stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 3 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face.
He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting loudly.
“So, you’ve been out drinking again!!” “What makes you say that?” He asks as he puts on an innocent look. “The bar called, you left your wheelchair there again.”
The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the regular stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 3 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face.
He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting loudly.
“So, you’ve been out drinking again!!” “What makes you say that?” He asks as he puts on an innocent look. “The bar called, you left your wheelchair there again.”
A funeral procession made its way down the road. Six close members of the family were carrying the coffin between them. On top of the coffin was a fishing line, a net, and some bait.
A passer-by remarked: “He must’ve been a very keen fisherman.”
“Oh, he still is,” remarked a mourner “He’s off to the river as soon as they’ve buried his wife.”
A passer-by remarked: “He must’ve been a very keen fisherman.”
“Oh, he still is,” remarked a mourner “He’s off to the river as soon as they’ve buried his wife.”
Congratulations, Alis! You are our February 2022 babe :) Wohooo
A Mexican woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic’s eyelids begin fluttering, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, “Granddaughter? Are you there?”
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, “Grandmother? Is that you?”
“Yes granddaughter, it’s me.”
The woman looks puzzled, “You’re sure it’s you, grandmother?”
Yes, granddaughter, I’m sure it’s me.”
The woman pauses a moment, “Grandmother, I have just one question for you.”
“Anything, my child.”
“Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, “Grandmother? Is that you?”
“Yes granddaughter, it’s me.”
The woman looks puzzled, “You’re sure it’s you, grandmother?”
Yes, granddaughter, I’m sure it’s me.”
The woman pauses a moment, “Grandmother, I have just one question for you.”
“Anything, my child.”
“Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?
A young couple on their wedding night was in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, “Here, put these on.”
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
“I can’t wear your trousers,” she said.
“That’s right,” said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family.”
With that, she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.”
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
“Hell,” he said. ”I can’t get into your panties!”
She replied, “That’s right, and that’s the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes.”
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
“I can’t wear your trousers,” she said.
“That’s right,” said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family.”
With that, she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.”
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
“Hell,” he said. ”I can’t get into your panties!”
She replied, “That’s right, and that’s the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes.”
Well said, Alis! ♥
Peace to all world now and always! ♥
Glory to Ukraine! Slava Ukraini! ♥
Peace to all world now and always! ♥
Glory to Ukraine! Slava Ukraini! ♥
To all dear people here ♥
War always happens...
Sometimes further, sometimes closer, sometimes in your own country... but it always happens.. And it's very scary..
Also I kindly ask you not to judge one person, because she/he comes from particular country...
Experiencing today very awkward question - if I am russian and what I think about my country... would be innocent question, but not in situations like this and not from someone I do not know at all..
No, I am not Russian! But what if I would be..?
There is so many who does not want any of this to happen no matters what nationality they are, you cannot judge book by it's cover.
You have no idea what anyone deals in personal life..
No matters where we come from we need to spread more love, peace and true friendship..
Also support your girls who are offline now, because they are having very hard times...
Send them offline tips, cannot support with tips.. Send something nice by spreading kindness with words.. Kind words really does not cost anything..
Pray for peace ♥ Pray for peaceful World ♥
War always happens...
Sometimes further, sometimes closer, sometimes in your own country... but it always happens.. And it's very scary..
Also I kindly ask you not to judge one person, because she/he comes from particular country...
Experiencing today very awkward question - if I am russian and what I think about my country... would be innocent question, but not in situations like this and not from someone I do not know at all..
No, I am not Russian! But what if I would be..?
There is so many who does not want any of this to happen no matters what nationality they are, you cannot judge book by it's cover.
You have no idea what anyone deals in personal life..
No matters where we come from we need to spread more love, peace and true friendship..
Also support your girls who are offline now, because they are having very hard times...
Send them offline tips, cannot support with tips.. Send something nice by spreading kindness with words.. Kind words really does not cost anything..
Pray for peace ♥ Pray for peaceful World ♥
The best event of Friday: Little Mermaid Alis!
Pray for peace
this is a good joke ;)
Two newlyweds quickly realized their marriage wasn’t working and filed for a divorce. The judge asked them what the problem was.
The husband replied: “In the five weeks that we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on a single thing.”
The judge turned to the wife: “Have you anything to say?”
She answered: “It’s been six weeks, your honor.”
The husband replied: “In the five weeks that we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on a single thing.”
The judge turned to the wife: “Have you anything to say?”
She answered: “It’s been six weeks, your honor.”
A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his four-year-old son standing at the fence, soaking in the whole event.
The man thought to himself, “Great. He’s four and I’m gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun – I’ll just let him ask, and I’ll answer.”
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, “Well son, do you have any questions?”
“Just one,” gasped the still wide-eyed lad.
“How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?”
The man thought to himself, “Great. He’s four and I’m gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun – I’ll just let him ask, and I’ll answer.”
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, “Well son, do you have any questions?”
“Just one,” gasped the still wide-eyed lad.
“How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?”
The best event of yesterday: Coraline! By Alis :)
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.
Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo.
He’s really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half but then remembers how bad his grandmother’s eyesight is, and hopes she won’t notice.
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, “Thank you for the picture. Change your hairstyle, it makes your nose look too short.”
Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo.
He’s really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half but then remembers how bad his grandmother’s eyesight is, and hopes she won’t notice.
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, “Thank you for the picture. Change your hairstyle, it makes your nose look too short.”
Thank you Petra ♥♥♥
Thank you to all my friends who took part in this ♥♥♥
I truly appreciate this ♥
Thank you to all my friends who took part in this ♥♥♥
I truly appreciate this ♥
We congratulate our beautiful Alis for winning 1st place in the Valentine sticker contest!
♥♥♥
A man, desperate to get married after looking for a year and tight on money, finally decides to publish a matrimonial in the local daily.
Not willing to spend too much on the ad, he decides to keep it short. “Urgently needed – one odd wife.” is what his ad said.
The next day he received 459 responses, each saying the same thing-: “Take mine. Will deliver for no extra charge.”
Not willing to spend too much on the ad, he decides to keep it short. “Urgently needed – one odd wife.” is what his ad said.
The next day he received 459 responses, each saying the same thing-: “Take mine. Will deliver for no extra charge.”
:D :D XxX
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.
“Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand. “We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?”
“No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.
“Can you pay in cash?” persisted the nun.
“I’m afraid I cannot, Sister.”
“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun essayed.
“Just my sister in New Mexico,” he volunteered. “But she’s a humble spinster nun.”
“Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not ‘spinsters.’ They are married to God.”
“Wonderful,” said Smith. “In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
“Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand. “We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?”
“No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.
“Can you pay in cash?” persisted the nun.
“I’m afraid I cannot, Sister.”
“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun essayed.
“Just my sister in New Mexico,” he volunteered. “But she’s a humble spinster nun.”
“Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not ‘spinsters.’ They are married to God.”
“Wonderful,” said Smith. “In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
The best event of yesterday: Miss lil Valentine Alis!
respect, Honor, Integrity, Hospitality, and generosity of human love compassion, and peace Alis! For you always and everyone The best in happiness!
You are Welcome Alis and a pleasure to have been here today!
I am so happy you liked XxX
Thank you so much to you too ;) xXx
Thank you so much to you too ;) xXx
Your Cupid valentine event was Awesome Thank you !
The best event of yesterday: Tinkerbell! By Alis :)
Omg awww Andy :* :D
Danny sets up Andy to go on a blind date with Shirley, a friend of his. But Andy is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before.
“What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Andy, “I’ll be stuck with her all night.”
“Don’t worry,” Danny says. “Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, and then everything goes as planned. If you don’t, just shout Aaauuuggghhh! And fake an asthma attack.”
So that night, Andy knocks at Shirley’s door, and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. Andy’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts, “Aaauuuggghhh!”
“What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Andy, “I’ll be stuck with her all night.”
“Don’t worry,” Danny says. “Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, and then everything goes as planned. If you don’t, just shout Aaauuuggghhh! And fake an asthma attack.”
So that night, Andy knocks at Shirley’s door, and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. Andy’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts, “Aaauuuggghhh!”
Thank you XxX
Have a good day Alis!
Another day with funny joke :D
Thanks Den :) :*
Thanks Den :) :*
A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else, whereas the other guys would only catch three or four a day. Sam would come in off the lake with a boat full. Stringer after stringer was always packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe.
So the next morning the two met at the dock and took off in Sam’s boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done.
Sam’s approach was simple. He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up.
Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam. “You can’t do this! I’ll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!”
Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words, “Are you going to sit there all day complaining, or are you going to fish?”
So the next morning the two met at the dock and took off in Sam’s boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done.
Sam’s approach was simple. He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up.
Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam. “You can’t do this! I’ll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!”
Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words, “Are you going to sit there all day complaining, or are you going to fish?”
♥ Tony
You deserve it ♥
You deserve it ♥
Thank you! You are very kind and understanding :)
Good one ;) :D
The Hodja (a teacher) was selling olives at the market and business was slow. He called to a woman who was passing by and tried to entice her. She shook her head and told him she didn’t have any money with her.
“No problem,” the Hodja grinned. “You can pay me later.” She still looked hesitant, so he offered her one to taste.
“Oh no, I can’t, I’m fasting,” she responded.
“Fasting? But Ramadan was 6 months ago!”
“Yes, well, I missed a day and I’m making it up now. Go ahead and give me a kilo of the black olives.”
“Forget it!” shouted the Hodja. “If it took you 6 months to pay back a debt you owed Allah, who knows when you’ll get around to paying me!”
“No problem,” the Hodja grinned. “You can pay me later.” She still looked hesitant, so he offered her one to taste.
“Oh no, I can’t, I’m fasting,” she responded.
“Fasting? But Ramadan was 6 months ago!”
“Yes, well, I missed a day and I’m making it up now. Go ahead and give me a kilo of the black olives.”
“Forget it!” shouted the Hodja. “If it took you 6 months to pay back a debt you owed Allah, who knows when you’ll get around to paying me!”
Thank you for lovely compliment Tony XxX
I love your sweet tender whisper to my ears . Big Hugs and many kisses, Thank you, and greatly appreciate your kindness and your heart!
i'm staying put until I see you ! :)
;)
;)
;)
;)
Den, thank you so much for jokes on my wall XxX
This keeps me going XxX
This keeps me going XxX
After being married for 50 years, a man took a careful look at his wife and said, “Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junky car, slept on a sofa bed, and watched a 10-inch black and white TV. But every night, I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl. Now, we have a $750,000 home, a $65,000 car, a nice big bed, and an 80-inch flat-screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 73-year-old saggy woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”
After a moment of pause, the wife replied, “Why don’t you go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and I will make sure that you would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.”
After a moment of pause, the wife replied, “Why don’t you go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and I will make sure that you would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.”
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. “What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?” asks the cop.
“I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.”
“Oh yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Let’s see you do it.”
The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch. “Wow,” says the driver to his wife. “I’m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!
“I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.”
“Oh yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Let’s see you do it.”
The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch. “Wow,” says the driver to his wife. “I’m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!
:D Did not expected this to turn out like that, when I started to read ;)
One evening, a young lady, who lived on 23rd Street in Manhattan, discovered that her toilet was clogged. Since she has never dealt with this issue before, nor did she even have a plunger at home, she called the plumber whose number she saw on one of the ads in the subway. He claimed to be able to unclog any pipe and go where no plumber went before.
At the appointed time, the plumber showed up with a helper. He inspected the toilet and asked his helper for the simple snake. When that failed, he asked for the special toilet pump in size 1. When he used it, he realized the clog needed a much larger tool and asked for a pump in size 2, then 3, and then 4. When all failed, he decided to skip right to size 10.
The young lady got worried and exclaimed, “10? I don’t want you to destroy my toilet, just unclog it.”
The plumber assured her not to worry and said the size was just based on the size of the item that was causing the clog. He started the pump and after a few seconds, he saw an item show up in the toilet. At first he thought it was just a large hair ball, but when he pulled it out, he realized it was a whole person! He asked the young man:
“What the heck are you doing here?”
“Me???” exclaimed the man, “What the heck are YOU doing? I was just trying to take a crap at my apartment on 24th Street when I got pulled in.”
At the appointed time, the plumber showed up with a helper. He inspected the toilet and asked his helper for the simple snake. When that failed, he asked for the special toilet pump in size 1. When he used it, he realized the clog needed a much larger tool and asked for a pump in size 2, then 3, and then 4. When all failed, he decided to skip right to size 10.
The young lady got worried and exclaimed, “10? I don’t want you to destroy my toilet, just unclog it.”
The plumber assured her not to worry and said the size was just based on the size of the item that was causing the clog. He started the pump and after a few seconds, he saw an item show up in the toilet. At first he thought it was just a large hair ball, but when he pulled it out, he realized it was a whole person! He asked the young man:
“What the heck are you doing here?”
“Me???” exclaimed the man, “What the heck are YOU doing? I was just trying to take a crap at my apartment on 24th Street when I got pulled in.”
Oh my goodness ;) and why I did not catch you by the toe heheh
;) :) :p
;)
A little town in southern Illinois had a sensational birth rate. An Ivy League university decided to have a detailed study conducted in the town to shed some light on the causes of this phenomenon. Sociologists, anthropologists, birth control specialists, and various professors moved to the town prepared to do a six-month study.
The day the research was to begin, the director of this extensive project stopped off at the single cafe in town and ordered coffee.
When the waiter delivered his drink, the scientist detained him for a moment and asked, “Can you give me an idea as to why your town, above all others in this country, has such a high birth rate?”
The waiter thought a moment, then said, “I think I can. You see, every morning at 4:00, the morning express train comes through town and blows its whistle at all three street crossings. That wakes up the folks here and, as you can guess, it’s too darn late to go back to sleep and too darn early to get up.”
The day the research was to begin, the director of this extensive project stopped off at the single cafe in town and ordered coffee.
When the waiter delivered his drink, the scientist detained him for a moment and asked, “Can you give me an idea as to why your town, above all others in this country, has such a high birth rate?”
The waiter thought a moment, then said, “I think I can. You see, every morning at 4:00, the morning express train comes through town and blows its whistle at all three street crossings. That wakes up the folks here and, as you can guess, it’s too darn late to go back to sleep and too darn early to get up.”
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher says, “Okay, but do not go in that field over there,” as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish… On any land… No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear?” The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s big bull. With every step, the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he’ll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence, and yells at the top of his lungs: “Your badge! Show him your badge!!”
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish… On any land… No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear?” The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s big bull. With every step, the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he’ll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence, and yells at the top of his lungs: “Your badge! Show him your badge!!”
oh dear :D
At dinner, little Johnny was asked to lead the prayer.
“But I don’t know how to pray,” he replied.
“Just pray for your family, friends and neighbors, the poor, etc.,” said his father.
“Okay”, the boy said. “Dear Lord, thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won’t come again. Forgive our neighbor’s son, who removed my sister’s clothes and wrestled with her on her bed. This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my Daddy’s iPhone. And provide shelter for the homeless man who uses Mom’s room when Daddy is at work. Amen”
“But I don’t know how to pray,” he replied.
“Just pray for your family, friends and neighbors, the poor, etc.,” said his father.
“Okay”, the boy said. “Dear Lord, thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won’t come again. Forgive our neighbor’s son, who removed my sister’s clothes and wrestled with her on her bed. This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my Daddy’s iPhone. And provide shelter for the homeless man who uses Mom’s room when Daddy is at work. Amen”
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.” “Very good,” said the teacher.
Little Jenny was next: “I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.” “Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath…
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said. “$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?” “Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny. “Toothbrushes!” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?”
“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a Chip and Dip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They all said the same thing, ‘Hey, this tastes like dog crap!’ Then I would say, ‘It is dog crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush?’ I used the government approach of giving you something crappy for free, and then making you pay to get the taste out of your mouth.”
Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.” “Very good,” said the teacher.
Little Jenny was next: “I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.” “Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath…
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said. “$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?” “Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny. “Toothbrushes!” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?”
“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a Chip and Dip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They all said the same thing, ‘Hey, this tastes like dog crap!’ Then I would say, ‘It is dog crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush?’ I used the government approach of giving you something crappy for free, and then making you pay to get the taste out of your mouth.”
The best event of yesterday: ROAR! By Alis :)
The husband had just finished reading a new book titled, “You Can Be The Man Of Your House.”
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, “From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is the law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterward, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands.
Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”
The wife replied, “The funeral director would be my first guess.”
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, “From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is the law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterward, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands.
Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”
The wife replied, “The funeral director would be my first guess.”
:D
I took my wife to a disco at the weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor giving it large; break dancing, moonwalking, backflips, the works.
My wife turned to me and said, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”
“Looks like he’s still celebrating!!” I replied.
My wife turned to me and said, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”
“Looks like he’s still celebrating!!” I replied.
An old U.S. Army Veteran arrived in Paris by plane. As he was fumbling in his bag for his passport, a stern French customs agent asked if he had been to France before. He admitted that he had indeed been here previously. The lady sarcastically said, “Then you should know to have your passport out and ready, Sir.”
The gentleman said “I didn’t have to show it last time.”
“Impossible!” the customs agent exclaimed. “All foreigners have always had to show a passport to enter the country.”
The man responded in a low tone, “Well when I came ashore on the beach on D-Day in 1944, I couldn’t find any damn Frenchmen to show it to!”
The gentleman said “I didn’t have to show it last time.”
“Impossible!” the customs agent exclaimed. “All foreigners have always had to show a passport to enter the country.”
The man responded in a low tone, “Well when I came ashore on the beach on D-Day in 1944, I couldn’t find any damn Frenchmen to show it to!”
Blonde was smarter ;)
A Redneck finds a lamp. He rubs it and a Genie emerges. The Genie tells him he will be granted three wishes. The Guy thinks for a moment and says, ‘First, give me a bottomless mug of beer.’
A mug of beer appears in his hand. He sips it once, then again and the mug is magically refilled. The Guy is thrilled and continues to drink. The mug never empties.
Then the Genie says, ‘And what about your other two wishes?’
The guy thinks for a moment and says, ‘Give me two more just like this one!’
A mug of beer appears in his hand. He sips it once, then again and the mug is magically refilled. The Guy is thrilled and continues to drink. The mug never empties.
Then the Genie says, ‘And what about your other two wishes?’
The guy thinks for a moment and says, ‘Give me two more just like this one!’
:D You killing with those jokes Den hehehe :D
A man walks into a church confessional and says to the priest, “Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I was with seven different women last night.”
The priest is silent for a moment and then says, “Go home and cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it down in one gulp.”
“And I’ll be forgiven?” asks the man.
“No,” replies the priest, “but it will wipe that smirk off your face.”
The priest is silent for a moment and then says, “Go home and cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it down in one gulp.”
“And I’ll be forgiven?” asks the man.
“No,” replies the priest, “but it will wipe that smirk off your face.”
The husband had an annoying habit of searching through the refrigerator for a snack, usually while his wife was preparing a meal.
Once, after he had gone through this routine for the third time in as many minutes, she snapped, “Nothing’s any different than it was a minute ago.”
“I know that,” he assured her. “It’s just that this time I’ve lowered my standards
Once, after he had gone through this routine for the third time in as many minutes, she snapped, “Nothing’s any different than it was a minute ago.”
“I know that,” he assured her. “It’s just that this time I’ve lowered my standards
Tony thank you so much ;) And mucho love straight back to you too hehe ;)
Den! And what a smart blonde ;)
Den! And what a smart blonde ;)
There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him. The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50. The lawyer figured the blonde was so dumb, he could not lose, and the blonde thought for a few minutes and reluctantly accepted to play his game.
The lawyer fires his first question “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?” Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.
The blonde then asked the lawyer “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?” The lawyer’s face looked extremely puzzled. He spent several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer. Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.00. The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word.
The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, “Well, what is the answer?”
The blonde glanced at him with a smirk on her face and handed him a $5 bill.
The lawyer fires his first question “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?” Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.
The blonde then asked the lawyer “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?” The lawyer’s face looked extremely puzzled. He spent several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer. Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.00. The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word.
The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, “Well, what is the answer?”
The blonde glanced at him with a smirk on her face and handed him a $5 bill.
You are on a roll Alis !!!! Congrats again on Best Event. You continue to amaze me. Mucho Love!
The best event of yesterday: UltraViolet, by Alis!
:D :D :D
After a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:
“Ladies and Gentleman, this is your Captain. Welcome to flight 293 non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto the weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and… OH, MY GOD!”…………..A scream then silence followed.
Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you, while I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”.
One angry passenger yelled, “Oh for Pete’s sake, you should see the back of mine!!!
“Ladies and Gentleman, this is your Captain. Welcome to flight 293 non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto the weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and… OH, MY GOD!”…………..A scream then silence followed.
Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you, while I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”.
One angry passenger yelled, “Oh for Pete’s sake, you should see the back of mine!!!
A man was walking down the street. All of a sudden he heard a loud voice say “Stop! Stand Still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.” The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was crossing the road. Once again, the voice shouted “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.” The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
“Where are you?” the man asked. “Who are you?”
“I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered.
“Oh yeah?” the man asked. “And where the heck were you when I got married?”
He went on, and after a while he was crossing the road. Once again, the voice shouted “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.” The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
“Where are you?” the man asked. “Who are you?”
“I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered.
“Oh yeah?” the man asked. “And where the heck were you when I got married?”
Tony thank you so much XxX And thank you for enjoying my events :)
Den, I think it's Bob's last anniversary hahaha ;) :P
Den, I think it's Bob's last anniversary hahaha ;) :P
Oh, Alis Congrats on the Best event in December. Hugs and Kisses!!!!
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really upset and she told him: “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!!!”
The next morning Bob got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough, there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, bringing the box back into the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale with a note from Bob: “Happy Anniversary, Darling! I hope it’s the model you wished for.”
The next morning Bob got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough, there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, bringing the box back into the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale with a note from Bob: “Happy Anniversary, Darling! I hope it’s the model you wished for.”
Oh, oh!
Thank you Petra for news ;) XxX
And guys... Well thank you all the most XxX kisses ;)
Thank you Petra for news ;) XxX
And guys... Well thank you all the most XxX kisses ;)
Oh, deer! Alis has won the best event of December title :) Congratulations!
:D :D :D
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mable’s ear and said, “Mable, did you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?”
Mable answered, “I have? A suppository?” She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, “Ethel, I’m glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is.”
Mable answered, “I have? A suppository?” She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, “Ethel, I’m glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is.”
Tony :* Indeed heavenly bodies and beautiful minds :* ;)
And Den hahahahah :D xXx
And Den hahahahah :D xXx
“Hello?”
“Hi honey this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”
“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”
After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”
“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”
Brief Pause.
“Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”
“Okay Daddy, just a minute.”
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it Daddy.”
“And what happened honey?” he asked.
“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”
“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”
“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I he isn’t moving either.”
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, “Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?”
“Hi honey this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”
“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”
After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”
“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”
Brief Pause.
“Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”
“Okay Daddy, just a minute.”
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it Daddy.”
“And what happened honey?” he asked.
“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”
“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”
“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I he isn’t moving either.”
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, “Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?”
My Sweet Angel Alis! Congrats on the Best Event !!! A Wonderful touch of Heavenly Bodies and Beautiful Minds ;)
The best event of yesterday: Touch of heaven, by Alis!
You are very welcome Alis ;)
Tony this is really nice to read :)
thank you so much
I appreciate it :*
thank you so much
I appreciate it :*
You are truly an Angel from the Heavens of Paradise Alis! Your event was an Inspiration with wings !!!! Hugs and Kisses!!!
Thank you Den hehehe XxXxX
A blonde goes for a job interview. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. “So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?”
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, “Ehhhh … 22!”
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, please?”
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, “Five foot two!”
This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. “And uhh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?”
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, “Mandy!”
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, “Just out of curiosity, Miss. I can understand you counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when I asked you your name?’
“Ohh that!”, replies the blonde, “That’s just me running through ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…”
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, “Ehhhh … 22!”
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, please?”
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, “Five foot two!”
This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. “And uhh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?”
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, “Mandy!”
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, “Just out of curiosity, Miss. I can understand you counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when I asked you your name?’
“Ohh that!”, replies the blonde, “That’s just me running through ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…”
Thank you :) Sometimes I get lucky :) xXx
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